The wild jungle of feminine work life balance
So who is SHE – this feminine aspect of our nature, and why is our feminine power so important in our work life balance?
Even though we may be involved in wellness and devoted to helping others as a vocation, are we fully awake to what SHE can offer us?
Oprah Winfrey’s acceptance speech at the recent 75th Golden Globes reveals just how much the patriarchal tides are turning. Oprah touched on a number of social injustices in her Cecil.B.DeMille Award address including racism and our current political landscape, but her main thrust was on females reclaiming our voice and self-authority. Her most rousing statement was this:
“I want all the girls watching here and now to know that a new day is on the horizon. And when that new day finally dawns, it will be because of a lot of magnificent women, and some pretty phenomenal men, fighting hard to make sure that they become the leaders who take us to the time when nobody ever has to say #metoo again”.
It’s how we treat ourselves that will create the greatest shift
But it’s beyond #metoo. It’s not just how we interact with men – it’s how we treat ourselves that’s going to create the greatest shift. If we do business and life like a man we simply miss out on magic. We prematurely dry our luscious creative juices up. If we still secret the conditioned beliefs that a ceaseless pushing of our agenda to complete a mental to-do list like a man is our only pathway to success, we create a deficit within ourselves, within our bodies and our hearts. And it’s not just us that are impacted when we deny our feminine power – our clients and businesses miss out, our lovers, boyfriends, husbands, friends, kids, pets, neighbours and even strangers we cross paths with, all miss out.
A linear approach to life, business and relationships, misses HALF of a very potent lifestyle equation.
So what if I told you we could plan and strategise as well as save time; reduce stress and nourish ourselves?
We create this win-win by getting to know HER.
We get to know HER by CHOOSING to allow time to simply STOP, OPEN and RECEIVE.
Once we’ve received we can slow our minds (and rampant egos), our heart rate and drop back into our bodies, breathe, rest, open our energy centres, reflect, intuit and allow things to unfold.
Scary stuff to let go of total control over your life isn’t it…..
Especially in business….If we’ve chosen to step into our innate Wellness Leadership, then guess what – the more we compassionately stretch ourselves out of our comfort zone, including any previously unacknowledged limiting beliefs about our worth in the universe, as well as the spa, in front of the mirror and our inner feminine resources the more we serve ourselves. And the more we honour ourselves, the more we can serve others. It’s pure metaphysics.
Responding to our ever shifting work-life balance through feminine leadership is a LIFESTYLE. It’s not a ‘Saturdays in your LuluLemons and mermaid latte’ kinda choice.
It requires BRAVERY. Simple as that. To go beyond what we’ve been taught. That’s what leadership is.
Receptivity – our ability to RECEIVE.
Transparency- our ability to be real, heard and open.
Vulnerability – our ability to be seen and to see others from our hearts.
Become the Force
When we embody our Feminine we become a FORCE both professionally and personally. SHE’s no pushover, ditz or martyr. She’s that voice that says:
“Hell No – we don’t need to do that again”
“Wait and then the answer will come”
“This is not the right time place or person.”
So how does SHE communicate with us?
SHE speaks to us primarily through
our bodies and
our hearts and
We are all part of something larger than ourselves
Using body based practices (like conscious breathing and yoga) and rituals (light a candle, follow your moon cycle or make an offering) we get to discover where our femme hangs out. And she’s got a lot to say if it’s been awhile since she was really heard…But what is that exactly and what does that look and feel like for us?
SHE rises when we slow down, sense and listen to our inner voice, knowing we are part of something larger than ourselves.
SHE talks to us through body tingles, sensations in our belly, shivers up our spine.
SHE shows us through signs like seeing the same person or book title repeatedly over a short space of time.
SHE’s that nagging feeling that you’ve got to ring your supplier or it’s time to upgrade your Spa menu , your boyfriend or reward one of your senior staff who has been secretly going to job interviews because she feels undervalued.
Our inner dude has an important role to play in our work life balance, he will get stuff done and protect us at all costs, but without our receptivity to move and adjust to change we are invalidating HER and snoozing all the way to mediocrity. Our inner dude and feminine have a relationship that’s worth nurturing.
Over the past twenty six years of my wellness career I have repeatedly witnessed the devastation of work life imbalances with both clients and colleagues. I myself have experienced adrenal exhaustion because I was not listening. And you know why? At the core of it – I did not believe I deserved to receive the support and resources available to me. I blocked RECEIVING – negating my responsibility to myself because there was someone always worse off than me.
Imbalance will present us with all kinds of feminine health issues. Harvard studies reveal women are twice as likely to medicate to alleviate anxiety as men. Our inner Femme Goddess deserves time on the temple floor – she can help us to thrive rather than survive.
Our Feminine has immense faith in the bigger picture and a sense of humour. Not only do we need to buckle up for the ever shifting ride, HER presence requires our discipline to remain in our bodies. SHE also asks us to shed any illusions around who we think we SHOULD be to our clients, our business and our friends, family and community. This strength is different to the ‘suck it up and get on with it’ stoicism of our mothers and grandmothers.
The “shoulds” will kill our natural instincts and our ability to serve, nurture, receive and protect ourselves and those we care for.
Guilt is the number one dragon slayer of the feminine and our current culture thrives on denigrating HER wildness and strong sense of self.
Guilt and fear also deny our innate feminine nature to manifest what we want. When we are open and receptive we have a much better chance of creating and RECEIVING what we need.
So here’s my 5 hot tips to embody our feminine power:
Step One: Recognise your Automatic Pilot and Get Intimate with the Unknown
Notice when we are allowing FEAR to define our decisions and behaviour. For example:
A colleague wants to offer the same treatment that you are already offering in the health retreat that you work within. Do you go into competitiveness or can you rise above insecurity and support them. Are there ways for both of you to utilise your natural skill sets and offer something that is the best outcome for both of you and your clients as well? Collaboration and communication rather than competition will hold you both in good stead.
Notice what we think, feel and do when we are fearful?
We have been educated to SHIFT INTO OUR PROBLEM SOLVING MASCULINE when faced with a challenge or are feeling scared.
Could we give ourselves permission to pause, lean into the discomfort, create compassionate mental space to just breathe before moving forward with an action or decision?
The feminine is not controlling or contracted – SHE is the very life force that feeds our body and soul so allow HER to inform us of a solution rather than shutting down or shutting someone else down out of fear.
Step Two: Have a cuppa with your inner Warrior and Queen.
Recognise what it feels like to be in our masculine.
Recognise what it feels like to be in our feminine.
Practice choosing which one we need right now.
Practice regularly. Play with the dance between our inner Queen and our inner Warrior.
It reduces the need for unconscious collapse and crisis because imperative needs weren’t met.
Ask both parts how they feel about the other.
Invite a conversation over a cuppa with both your masculine and feminine. Allow both to speak.
International Spiritual Yogi and Educator David Deida describes this as “Stage Two” of our Feminine awareness – our ability to allow both parts of our sexual paradigm to be heard. This will also improve our professional and personal relationships.
Example: In your work HE might think you need six more clients to meet your financial needs this week. SHE might feel it’s too much this week and only wants to MANIFEST another three clients. Trusting that you have the workload you can cope with at this time is part of living through the feminine. How can they find a solution where both parts are heard and validated and your external as well as internal needs are met?
Step Three: Say No to Your Inner Trump
Most of us spend way too much time in our masculine.
Does he listen, value and act from HER requests or does he bully and dominate out of fear and control?
Using rituals and tools to transition back into our feminine from our masculine can support both parts of your nature and address any current needs and objectives.
Step Four: Feminine Embodiment Ritual
Lie down in a private space on your back. Support your body with a pillow under your knees and head if needed.
Allow your body to relax beginning with face and head jaw and travelling down to your hips buttocks sexual centre knees and legs to your feet.
Feel the back of your body drop into the earth beyond your mat and floor.
Sink into HER and breathe by raising your belly on your inhale through the nose and exhale out of your mouth for twenty breaths.
Place your hands on your pelvis above or on your ovaries.
Breathe into this part of your body by expanding your belly and pelvis area on your inhale.
Repeat for as many breaths as is needed.
And on the last five breaths let out a sigh or a sound that helps you to release your day.
How is SHE feeling?
What does She need right now?
Step Five: Dance like nobody is watching
Dance like nobody is watching using your hips and breasts in round movements.
Have a laugh.
Reach out for the company of other women with no agenda.
Commune with nature regularly with swims in the ocean, walks in forest and contact with animals and babies.
Feeling and sensing are just as important as thinking and fixing.
Collaboration, communication, community and clarity are key.
Only you can know the deep wisdom that resides within you so let HER love and guide you in an empowered state that every area of your life, including at work and at play, benefit from.
Living in the feminine ain’t picture perfect but if feels right and it deals with NOW. It demands our inner Queen be claimed so we can give and receive what we truly deserve as wellness leaders and pioneers on the evolving Femme frontier.
No more need for contraction, competitiveness, cunning and control as we move and manage ourselves with heart and grace. We can then collaborate, communicate clearly and avoid crisis regularly.
HER only motive is to keep us close to our true nature and enjoy the riches born from our courage to hear and respond from the quiet whispers of our very soul.